Bangkok day 7: It’s not you, it’s me

Ade Cox
5 min readNov 12, 2018


Ade & Jos adventure day 7 : It’s not you, it’s me

Well it’s Jo’s first day in the office today, and the first day since we’ve gotten here that I wasn’t bright eyed and bushy tailed as soon as I wake up… In fact, this morning was a struggle.

No swim for Jo today, just make up and then down for breakfast…

Interesting time down in the breakfast room as I witnessed a man making toast.. A man, who i’m guessing has never made toast before.

We’ve all been to a hotel with one of those automatic toaster things.. You put you bread on the moving grill thing, wait a bit…If someone else wants toast, they put their bread in after yours… Your toast falls out the bottom and..There you go.. Toast!

Not so easy for this fellow tho.. I’d spotted him earlier on, the one Japanese guy with long hair, a basketball shirt and a towel over his shoulder… No idea why he had a towel over his shoulder.. Perhaps he was burping an invisible baby.

Anyway, I approach the toaster, Mr Shoulder towel is in front butchering a piece of bread.. I’m guessing he was trying to cut a slice but all he got were two misshapen “bits” but still he carried on, placing the bread into the toaster… He then got the METAL tongs and reached into the toaster to move his bread around.. I’m now thinking he’s going to electrocute himself… He puts the tongs back down beside the toaster.. I breath a sigh of relief.. Then Shoulder towel grabs the tongs again and reaches even further into the toaster… Again, thankfully he managed to (A) Not kill himself and (B) Bugger the toaster.. At this point he noticed me waiting with a few slices of bread on my plate… Any normal person would have stepped aside and let me put my bread onto the moving grill.. Not this bloke… He adopted a sort of defensive stance around the toaster.. Like he was shielding someone from harm.. Until his abomination of what should have been toast fell into the tray.. Off he goes… I call him a “Bell end” under my breath. SO. I eventually put my bread into the toaster.. No drama… Just as my toast falls into the tray I notice there’s already two slices of toast laying there… Dead toast as I call it (The toast that is unwanted.. Forgotten… Cast aside).. I pick my toast up, put it on my plate.. And some bloke swoops in and grabs the two slices of dead toast and runs off to his table with it… I honestly believe they should teach toast etiquette in schools.

Jo goes off to work, I put a load of washing in the washing machine then decide to walk to the park ( I would have stayed in but Jo has demanded I leave the room at least once every day).. So, off I go for a walk to the park…. I almost got run over by a scooter taxi driver.. But to be fair this is common in Bangkok.. The park was nice a quiet.. Bloody hot tho, according to my phone it was 32 degrees but feels like 39… It was hot!… And please keep in mind this is cool season…. I was sitting by the pond when I noticed lots of things floating around in the water.. Turns out it’s full of turtles.. Not sure if any of them were teenage, mutant or indeed Ninjas tho… We can but hope.

I knew I had to go to our new apartment today to pick up the keys at 4:30… I was then informed that the cable tv guy was coming to install our tv at 4:00…. I was then told he’d cancelled and would do it tomorrow… So at 4:10 Iwalk over to our new apartment block (we have an apartment in the North tower) The entrance on the main road is for the south tower, so I walk in and ask the lady at reception if the reception area at the south tower is the main reception for the complex.. She stares at me blankly..


“Yes” I reply “Is this the reception for both North and South tower?”..

“Reception?” she asks..

“Yes” I respond

-Blank stare-

She grabs a phone and calls someone…

“Talk phone” she says handing me the phone

“Hello, speak English” I ask

“Yes” says faceless lady on phone

“I need to meet someone here, i’m picking up keys for an apartment in North tower”

“Speak slower” she moans


“Give phone friend” She barks

“Oh bollocks” I think

reception lady points at a big door..

“Wait here”

I went out of door and Hurrah! I can see the North tower entrance

Waiting North tower reception is a young Thai lady.. She looks at me…

“Mr Cox?”

“That’s me… Nice to meet you”

“Cable technician here.” she says

“I was told he’d cancelled”


After a bit of back and forth with a photocopy of my passport we eventually make our way to the lift….

There’s a bit of an awkward silence so I turn to her…

“Have you been waiting long?”

-Blank stare-

“Oh shit” I think

So we get to our new apartment… Thai bloke is sorting the tv… Ms Bas (the little Thai lady) is pointing at some papers telling me the apartment owner has done an inventory and taken lots of photos… I explain (or try to) that I have to take photos too just to cover ourselves if the owner tries to say we cause damage…

-blank stare-

“I don’t understand” she says… “You’re accent”

At this point I resort to google translate, No matter how I try, she just wasn’t getting the Black Country accent.

“Sorry about the accent” I type

“I’m sorry” she replies…

“No no” I say “It’s not you.. It’s me”

First time i’ve EVER said that to a girl…. I think.

Jo turned up a short while later, Ms Bas went off on her merry little way and we were left to explore what will be our new home.

Fast forward to the night… Jo had a meeting in the bar with her boss… I stayed in the room then ventured down to the bar a little later on…. I get there. no Jo (They’d moved her meeting to a quieter part of the hotel) so I end up sat at the bar drinking beer (god bless happy hour), messaging the kids and just relaxing… I’ve never sat on my own at the bar before, social anxiety has always put me off it, but in the past week i’ve done it twice.. Once in Plymouth and now here in Bangkok..Take that social anxiety! Two beers later and Jo’s meeting ends.. Time to order a Jack and Coke for me and a black Russian for jo.. Bloody hell that J&D is strong…. Jo is really tired so up to the room and room service for dinner methinks!

Thought: I’ve got the internet man coming tomorrow to set my internet up… I hope he speaks English, otherwise i’ll never be online again!

Room service ordered.. Lamb Masalla eaten… Jo is playing playstation… I think that’s us done for the night.. Mind you, Jo has just said something thats got my thinking/ranting head on so I could stay up ranting/typing for a bit… But for now…

Night Night



Ade Cox

A working-class man from The Black Country, plucked from the factory and now living the best life in Bangkok